ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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