He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
