I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
