I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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