I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
