My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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