You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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