Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
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Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
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Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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