Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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