mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Everyone says I win the strip club
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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