I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
