She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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