I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
