you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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