When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
