its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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