does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
