we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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