I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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