You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
