RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
