She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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