she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
