is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
