I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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