Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i out mim tonsoeep
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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