I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
