I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
