did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
