We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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