You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
