he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
