tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
