Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
