Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
