she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
