Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
"it" just moved
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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