Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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