we have pet lesbian snakes
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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