i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
