i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
there is puke in my bra ... again
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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