My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
