Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
