every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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