I faked an abortion last night.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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