i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
