i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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