Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
