How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
