I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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