Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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