I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
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Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
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Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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