it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
