if i can run in heels then i can drive
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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