She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
