Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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