Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
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Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
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You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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