i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
