You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
