i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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