Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
