who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
