Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Mom said you looked used
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
