If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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