Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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