i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
