I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
