And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
