I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
