Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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