I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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