had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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