I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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