grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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